Let’s dive in shall we?

So, I wanna start by laying out what this post ISN’T. This isn’t:

• A push for more sex in your relationship 
• A push to have less sex in your relationship
• A Blame Game post
• A Step-by-Step Guideline of what you need to do

The reason I start of this way is because there are too many people who hear the word “intimacy” and immediately think this is synonymous with sexual activity. Now, intimacy DOES include sex, but I believe intimacy can go and should go deeper than what can be enjoyed between the sheets because limiting the times you are intimate can have a severe impact on you and your partner as you move into different stages of life. 

“Okay, but if you’re not being a stereotypical male and pushing for more sex what are you presenting?”

 “Yeah, why IS this important?”

Well, to answer your well timed questions, let me ask a question of my own: Can you describe a moment or memory where you longed for your partner? Craved their presence? Needed their essence enveloping you? 

Can you picture the moment in your head and relive the excitement, the vulnerability, the closeness? If you can and the moment isn’t wrapped up in sex then this is an example of intimacy. You see, when it comes to intimacy within couples I believe it’s very important to have consistent intimate moments with your significant other to keep your relationship progressing and to fall deeper in love with them (if that’s your goal in the first place). Intimacy is one of the keys to keeping your romance off the rocks, but if intimacy encompasses more than sex…what is intimacy?

Webster’s synonyms include: 

• Closeness
• Familiarity
• Inseparability 

Google’s definitions:

• a close familiarity or friendship; closeness.
• a private, cozy atmosphere.

Personally, I think closeness is my favorite synonym when speaking about intimacy because the deeper your connection is to someone, the closer you are. And the journey can start with a number of things that don’t include sex or activities that immediately lead to sex: you can continue to fall in love with your partner in a lot of different ways and that should be exciting news….but, the problem I’ve noticed with the couples I’ve helped or observed is intimacy is being shut down more often than not making the closeness they’ve built over their journey slowly dissolve right in front of them and they don’t even realize it until there’s a major problem.

“What do you mean by that? Shutting down intimacy?”

  “You sure you’re not talking about sex? It sounds like you mean sex.”

What I mean is the “boyfriend/girlfriend” status, the “husband/wife/partner” status is in the process of being the “best friend” status (if it hasn’t reached that point already) because there’s not a constant level of vulnerable closeness being reached that can’t be reached by your best friend. Still confused? Let me put it simpler terms: If your relationship with your romantic partner can be copied and pasted to your best friend(s) and there’s not a significant difference there is a problem. 

“But I thought you were SUPPOSED TO marry your best friend!”

Sure, but that doesn’t mean you leave your partner in that status emotionally and spiritually. You should have things you can only do with your romantic partner, not because your relationship status changed on paper, but because you and them have gotten to know and fall for each other on a deeper level than anyone else in their life. These things can range from cuddling to unique date nights to tailor made traditions around the holidays. Taking the time to cultivate this vibration can send you on a journey full of love, joy, and cheer because your are getting to experience these small and big moments together with someone who cares about you deeply and is comfortable showing you the most vulnerable parts of themselves in a spiritual/emotional space. This doesn’t mean there won’t be ANY overlap with the things you can do with your best friend(s), but there has to be some distinction between your best friend(s) and your romantic partner.

“Okay, but what are some examples of shutting down intimacy?”

Some examples of this are:

• Lack of touch (ie: holding hands, hugs, cuddling, kissing)
• Lack of couple activity (ie: Netflix binges, nature walks, deep conversations)
• Lack of communication (ie: relationship check-ups, genuine and comfortable laughter, emotional support)

Some of these are common with couples in general, but each relationship will have one or two things that stand out (like an endearing name or special activity) because both of you are unique and together will create something unique. Now, with some of the struggling couples I’ve observed I’ve noticed partners who don't like to be touched by the other in any way, sly remarks being made passive aggressively about the other, laughter sounding forced when the partner is in the room, and so on. This dissension doesn’t always lead to toxic behavior, but can bring out the worst in the other due to frustration and where is that frustration coming from? A lack of intimacy, ie: a lack of vulnerable closeness.

“Alright, but where does sex come in?”

Well, sex is one of the most intimate acts we can engage in physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Exploring your partner’s body and feeling the heat as your hearts beat rapidly has to be about as close as you can get because you can sense how your partner not only feels about you but the world around you. Of course there are no hard and fast rules as to the amount of sex a couple should be having, but I will say consistent denial of sexual activity can say a lot without having to say too much. This does exclude MEDICAL reasons and if I have to explain that there’s a different conversation you and I need to have. But, outside medical reasons, constant denial can portray you’re not comfortable with your partner, you have an issue with your partner that hasn’t been worked out, or you aren’t physically attracted to your partner for one reason or the other (even if this is not 100% the case). Sex does fall under Intimacy so closing that door without any explanation, conversation, or agreement can play a factor in the downfall of the relationship. And before you say anything, I’m well aware there are couples who do not have sex and are completely happy: as I stated before, intimacy covers more than just what you can do between the sheets; however, couples in this category usually have a mutual understanding that this is not something they wish to venture into for any numbers of reasons and are genuinely okay with it. Couples who don’t set that boundary and then consistently deny sex or wave sex around like it’s a reward and not moment to bond on a deeper level can find themselves with a frustrated/disconnected partner.

Does this mean happy couples are going at it every single night? Not necessarily, but happy couples who do have relations aren’t usually going to go months on end without making some time to explore, regardless of kids, jobs (unless deployed or working overseas or across regions for long periods of time), or life in general. This also isn’t THE signal showing the relationship is moving in the right direction because there are plenty of toxic relationships where the sex is great, but the relationship stinks: I just wanted to give a small outline of what I’ve seen and experienced when it comes to sex and relationships.

So…how can we be more intimate in our relationships? 

• Learn your partner’s love language: love languages can make all the differences because you might be expressing your love the best way YOU can, but if you’re constantly expressing that love in a language your partner doesn’t naturally speak your efforts can be downplayed sometimes which can hurt you emotionally and not impact your partner effectively. 
• Do something small on a consistent enough basis. Whether it be a nice dinner, small notes weekly, or engaging in your partner’s passion this can build traditions, families, and your connection with your partner. Basically, this let’s your partner know you’re thinking of them and vice versa.
• Check in on your partner. Relationship check-ins can be the saving grace your relationship is looking for because this opens up the floor for your partner to tell you what they think you guys should work on and what they think you guys are solid on. Especially if the environment you guys have is healthy and judgement free you can take your relationship to the next level!

All in all, I believe when the connection between couples is vibrant the chance of them separating decreases by a huge amount. The respect and bonds you forge and refine within the confines of the Vibrant Connection can be massive and so can the love you share with your partner if you make the effort to be intimate consistently. 

I challenge you to discover something new about your romantic partner and do something small for them this month if you don’t do so already. Let’s deepen our connection with our relationship partners and grow with them in the roads ahead.

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As always, thank you for reading this post and supporting Point of Vision! I hope I was able to share my thoughts on intimacy within romantic relationships clearly and open up the floor for healthy discussion between you and your partner! If you enjoyed this post, make sure you comment down below and share this post with your friends, family, etc! Also, if you wanna support me and my content you can head over to the "Support/Services" tab and check out my Patreon, my dōTERRA Advocate Website, and my Creative Coach services! I'm here to support you on your journey and provide a space for us to grow, speak up, and discuss different topics (as well as create Worlds with Words)!

Well, Visionaries I thank you once again and can't wait to see what you create!

Until Next Time...

Go Forth in Peace & Love